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A Mom's Helping Hand of SWFL
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A Single Mom's Blog

6/4/2015

1 Comment

 
In my world, when it rains…. it pours. Everything feels so overwhelming at times. When I’m down I just want to stay there. When I need the most motivation I just can’t seem to find it in myself. While I want to believe everything will be okay in some pseudo ending, I know I will probably continue to spin around in circles until otherwise noted. This was NOT supposed to be my life. I made a wrong turn a long time ago. I am drowning in consequences, not all of my own. When do I get to come up for air?

I am a good person. I would cut off my left arm if you needed it. Give someone the shirt off my back. I buy the person behind me in the Dunkin line breakfast at least once a week. I am kind to those who are not kind to me. I am judged everyday by people who know me and people who don’t. I know all about coming from the ground up. When I tell people “my story”, most are shocked. I didn’t have the picture perfect childhood growing up. But I didn’t let that stop me. Though it would have been easy to do, I refused to become a victim of circumstance.

My children are my world. They are the sun to my shine. I meet their every want and need, and me alone. While I wouldn’t have it any other way, let’s face it; it’s a huge responsibility. I do daily what most 2 parent families have trouble doing. While I have perfected it over the years, it’s still enough work for two parents. Financially over the years, things have been tough. I worked hard to obtain a degree while working full time and being the sole care giver to a newborn and rambunctious two year old. Easy? No. Worth it? You bet. These days financial concerns are not at the top of my list, due to the sacrifices I made to obtain my degree.

There are few moments I actually feel at peace. The calm…. I like to refer to it as. Most days I feel like I am stuck on a merry go round with no off switch. I am constantly on the go. There are always at least 5 more things that needed to be done each day that I didn’t have time to get to. I had a moment of calm this morning, and it was probably the best 60 seconds I have experienced in weeks. For a whole moment I felt like everything was going to be okay. I didn’t have 5,000 things running through my head and I stopped caring long enough to savor it. For that moment, I had no doubt in my mind that these next few years will not have anything that I can’t handle by myself. In the calm…. I felt ready, for all 3 of us.

It’s not easy juggling what I have on my plate. Quite often not even those who would understand are kind. Life has no compass, no plan. Just like most little girls I imagined myself as a beautiful princess, tiara and all, being swept away by prince charming, riding off on a white horse into the sunset, and living happily ever after. I got my fairy tale, except mine came with 2 prince charming’s who call me Mommy.

1 Comment
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11/22/2019 07:04:11 pm

I may not know how it feels like to be a single mom, but I am pretty sure that you have been exerting so much effort just to make everything balanced and perfect no matter how broken you are. Life might have different plans for you, and what you need to do is to be strong. But all you need to do is to trust the process as well as yourself and learn from it. You may not see it, but I am pretty sure that this is an experience where you can get a lot of lessons!

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